A Troll Fat Shamed Me

Lessons in life can often come from bizarre places. In my case my life lesson came from a faceless crusader on  t’internet. I’ll give you a little back story.

I am fat.

Now you are up to speed. This week someone decided to point that fact out to me on my Instagram. Funnily enough this was a fact that I was already acutely aware of. I was not shocked. This was not new information.

It is often the case that even though we know about our flaws and imperfections, hearing them from others can sting a little. This was not the case for me.

I felt nothing.

This was a new experience. And in my best Carrie Bradshaw impression it got me thinking. Why did it not hurt? This was something that would have upset me in the past? Have I become immune to the opinions of others or had I finally accepted my body for what it is?

instagram troll.jpg

As is the case with me nothing is straight forward. I have been making efforts to change my body. I have started exercising and attempting to watch what I eat. My efforts have gone largely unrewarded. I have lost 1 kg in over six weeks. It is hardly worth documenting. I was so upset to realise that I had made no changes to my physique. There were giant ugly girl tears. So that kind of contradicts the idea that I am finally accepting my body. If I was accepting why would I be trying to change it?

 I actually don’t have the answers.

I know that the changes I’m trying to make come from a place of love rather than self loathing. My mental process is that I am deserving of a better quality of life. I was upset at the lack of change because I felt I had really worked hard. Clearly not hard enough.

I watch plus size women daily preach body positivity and that it’s ok to be in a bigger body and I totally agree. It is ok if that’s what you want. It is no longer something I want. I want to walk into any shop and be able to get something to fit me besides the footwear.

I think the reason the troll’s attempts to make me feel bad failed because I know I am doing something positive. The gym and better eating are making me stronger and I feel empowered. The weight loss, if it ever begins, will just be a positive side effect.

A large portion of how I feel used to come from how I thought I looked. A good dose of denial mixed with good hair and make up used to go a long long way. Now my feeling of value is coming from different places and one of them just happens to be a treadmill………… who’da thunk it eh????

3 thoughts on “A Troll Fat Shamed Me

  1. It’s just pathetic.. If you were a male your bid wouldn’t even be noticed and once you hit middle age like me you are invisible whatever shape you are.. That’s the one positive.. When I’m out in public don’t get barked at anymore for being fat cosim not worth the barkings!!

    Liked by 1 person

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