I’ve always thought I was overweight. Smaller in stature than most of my peers paired with a round face I always felt fat even as a young child. Truth being told I didn’t start holding weight until I was in my teens. When my breasts arrived it was game over. It was like the rest of me enlarged to keep up with my sizeable assets.
I’m not at the point where vanity is the last thing on my mind. It’s very much a health issue. Every Monday I begin a new lifestyle and by lunchtime on the very same Monday I have failed in one way or another. Food is my addiction and I’ve never been able to overcome it. I would probably give off the impression that it doesn’t bother me.
It does yet I lack the ability to change.
When my first son arrived it was very much do the right thing food wise even though I wasn’t leading my example. I fed him home cooked everything while I munched on take away while he napped. I was determined to start him off on the right foot so he wouldn’t have to suffer with the issues I have.
Number two popped out and my focus lapsed. Tiredness and the stress of a difficult relationship made me reach for the easy option. The microwavable veg pots were a quick fix. The water only rule was diluted with juice for my toddler and treats were becoming more and more frequent.
By the time number three was born in a flurry of pink I had lost all sight of my pre parenthood aspirations. I loved the look on their faces when I produced a packet of buttons. I could think of nothing better than sharing my junk food with them as we watched a movie. Once the initial thrill of the treat was over.
The guilt was overwhelming.
I scold them when they look for the second packet of crisps knowing the only reason they do is because I’ve given them the second packet many times in the past. I am horrified when they eat like they’ve never seen a piece of chocolate and then realise that must be the way I look to them.
They say half the solution to a problem is admitting that there is a problem in the first place. I know there is a problem and I know it’s within my control to make changes. I’m at a time in my life now where I’ll be at home most of the time so I have no obstacles in my way.
I have vowed to make better food decisions for me and my children. I control the food that comes into the house so the buck stops with me. I’m not one for blaming mothers but in this case I have to take ownership for the mistakes I’ve made.
I may have an addiction to food but I can simply change the type of food I eat… she says to herself, unconvinced. I may not be salvageable but I hope I can change the habits of my children for their own sake. I want healthy happy children I just hope I haven’t left it too late!
This post was originally published on MummyPages.