blushbellyandbabies

my life in three b's

I’m eating nothing!!

If you have read other posts you will be aware of my battle with the bulge. Without trying to sound dramatic, that wouldn’t be like me at all, I liken it to a serious addiction. Food is my drug of choice and I don’t know how to become rehabilitated. I literally flip flop from wanting to loose weight and swearing to make a massive effort to throwing in the towel and accepting that I’ll never be slim. That switch could happen at least four times an hour. Every time professing to anyone that will listen…. this time will be different…..and it never is.

Writing this tonight I’m in binge mode and weight loss is the furthest thing from my mind I’m having a fat food Friday and I’m loving every minute of it. Until tomorrow when I try on my jeans and I’m like 7 pounds of rice shoved into a 5 pound bag. (I think the correct  phrase is 7 pound of shit but you know… I didn’t want to be vulgar).

With that in mind I thought, why am I attempting to write about weight loss?, a subject I clearly have no success with. What I should be writing about is how to eat. Now there’s something I know how to do. Furthermore my specialty in the area of eating is how to sneak food while your children are close by. Here are my three top tips on how to eat food without your child’s knowledge. I know we are parents and would die for our children but there’s a difference between death and having to divide the last cheapy milky way out of Aldi four ways!!

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Tip 1: Choose items of food you can fit into your mouth in one go.

This is important. Time is of the essence. Kids are quick. How many times have you turned around from the oven only to trip over one of little feckers. No body is sneaking a Lion Bar or a full scone. Bite sized and easy to chew are the way to go. If by chance the only snack available is larger in size my advice to you is to change location. So we open the item in one room and dash to another eating as we go eating, as we go. The child or children will follow but it should be well gone by then.

Tip 2: Research packaging.

Again speed is a factor here. Mine can hear a paper rustling at 50 yards (is that a long distance? I have no clue!). You need to get it open and in as quick as possible. The day I tried to sneak a Kinder Bueno  didn’t end well for anyone. There were tears and tantrums and that was just me. I mean no one stands a chance with double wrapping.

Tip 3: Beware of strong smelling items

I recently had a sneaky packet of barbecue flavour crisps on the way home from the petrol station. I strut in cool as a cucumber delighted with my sneaky snack. Leaned down to check some homework. ‘ Why can I smell crispbits?’ That’s what we call them in my house. ‘Because I was eating some.’ I sheepishly admitted. There was no point in lying. I will be sticking to chocolate from here on in.

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If the above tips help you with your secret eating all I can saw is…. you are welcome. I have been known to eat with my head so far into the back of the fridge my nose got wet from the condensation. The bathroom has also be utilised which I’m obviously aware is totally gross. So best of luck, may you be swift and safe and whatever you do …… don’t get caught. All I have to look forward to now is the heartburn.

Be Well

Ellen

 

 

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16 thoughts on “I’m eating nothing!!

  1. Nwendubrights on said:

    Nice post, i think i’ll cut down on carbs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hilarious. I can soooo relate to this! Especially having to make the choice between fitting into those jeans and having the yummy food. Great read 🙂

    Like

  3. OMG I can totally relate! I work as a nanny and am working on my weightloss too so theres a TON of temptations as I’m making them lunch and dessert and things. I’m low carbing it for now, so while their food has a lot of bread and pasta, I can’t even eat the left overs 😦 So long mom diet.

    HowEVER! I would like to add that you can hide your snack items from the kids in the freezer. I used to make a batch of cookie dough, cut it into chunks and hid it in an empty freezer bag of peas (because no one eats peas!) towards the back of the freezer. This way when you’re searching for the chicken nuggest that are “buried” you can totally be eating cookie dough.. yes… I totally thought this through.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. robertwfuller772 on said:

    One of the biggest hurdles I ran into when it came to changing my Life was constantly focusing on what I had to stop or give up. Yes there were several lifestyle choice changes that were required to pull me out of the pit I had created for myself, but by constantly focusing on the negative aspects caused me to gravitate towards those choices more frequently.

    For instance: Don’t think of an elephant in a pink swimsuit. I MEAN IT DON’T THINK OF THAT ELEPHANT!!

    See what I mean.

    What I have found to be much more effective is to focus on the choices I need to gravitate towards and the benefits or if you can, the satisfaction and sense of fulfillment those choices will bring. Of course this is a constant effort and I’m definitely better at it some days than others, but the more effort I put into it, the stronger I get. Just like any other muscle we are trying to strengthen.

    Hope this helps!!

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  5. your funny thanks for sharing

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  6. This definitely rang a bell! That was me for years and years. One day, I decided I need to “sober up” from my food addiction. It wasn’t easy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Now, 55 lost pounds later, I like eating healthy and working out, that’s not a problem. However, I know I have “trigger foods”, like french fries and chocolate ice-cream. I just don’t keep those in the house. Once a food addict, always a food addict. One day a time!

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  7. You sound like me. I think of how much I hate the extra (rolls, really) weight, then it’s no time at all before I’m stuffing my face. 😛
    Food absolutely can be an addiction. I’m quite certain that I’m addicted to sugar, partly because if I don’t eat any sugar, I don’t crave more. Ugh.
    Well written. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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