Birthday Parties, They Are Not How I Imagined.

I’m just throwing it out there. Children’s birthday parties are stressful. Pre-child in my oblivious haze it was one of the aspects of parenthood that I’d imagined I would thoroughly enjoy. My fantasies stretched to colour co-ordinated table ware and decorations. There would be a theme and organised games.  The children would play in perfect harmony while the mothers sipped on tea and nibbled on crust free sandwiches. My pre-child day dreams are a great source of amusement to me now.  It’s nothing like I’ve described.

The table ware that I dreamed of is expensive and it’s all disposable. The table cloths don’t cover the tables at your chosen venue so you need 15 of them. I think they cover them in some sort of varnish to take the cheap look off them and this means they don’t stay on the table.  6 year old Billy will go through cups like he’s going to get a medal at the end. Calm down Billy I need some of them for the next party. Continue reading “Birthday Parties, They Are Not How I Imagined.”

Keep up with your Cervical Checks.

Being a woman is a complicated series of biological events. We don’t have it easy. From breast formation to the dreaded periods. After enduring the hormonal shifts every month during our child bearing years we get to top it all off with the menopause. We are so lucky. Your fanny is either sopping wet from a leaky bladder or dry and itchy from when it all shrivels up on you. The body’s polite way of telling you that your baby making days are long gone.

The vagina is a mystery to most women.  Unless you are in the healthcare profession the chances are you’ve only ever seen your own. That’s if you ever bothered to look. I wonder how many women have inspected their own vaginas? I remember growing up not knowing whether certain aspects were normal? The aroma, the discharge and the flaps were all aspects I hoped were the same on everyone else. It was not something that was discussed and remember this is pre-internet times so I had never looked at any pornography (still haven’t Mam I swear).

Once I became sexually active I remember hearing something about a smear test. I had no idea what this was. During a visit to the doctor he recommended that I pop in to the lady doc to have one after presenting with a number of infections in the area. Continue reading “Keep up with your Cervical Checks.”

Everyone Should Have a Home.

Leo our leader has come out and told the people of this country to just go borrow off their parents to get a deposit for a house. My jaw hit the floor and it hasn’t popped back into place yet. I’m not into politics so I only know what sound bites I see on tv or hear on the radio. From those titbits I always thought Leo made sense. He seemed practical and I never remember being opposed to his views. Until today.

I know what it’s like to have no home. When my relationship broke down I had to rely on the kindness of my mam to take me, two children and a baby bump into her home. As my mother there was no question for her as to where I would go. I was very lucky and extremely grateful. Not everyone has a mother to turn to. Continue reading “Everyone Should Have a Home.”

I Don’t Know How To Deal With My Physical Boys

Most of my life I’ve been drowning in female company. A young life filled with aunts, female cousins and my only sibling who was also a girl. My complete education took place in an all female environment.  This upbringing showed me that women were bloody awesome. They ruled the world.

Let’s fast forward to my first pregnancy. What would I do if I had a boy? Well I was about to find out! My eldest was pushed from his comfy home in October 2009. He presented at 8 pounds 6 ounces and well at least half of that weight was his balls. I looked at his Dad horrified. ‘Did you see his balls? What the hell is that about?’  The midwife assured us that it was all perfectly normally while I silently panicked about how I was going to rear a male of the species. Continue reading “I Don’t Know How To Deal With My Physical Boys”

I Worry I’ve Passed My Food Issues Onto My Children

I’ve always thought I was overweight. Smaller in stature than most of my peers paired with a round face I always felt fat even as a young child. Truth being told I didn’t start holding weight until I was in my teens. When my breasts arrived it was game over. It was like the rest of me enlarged to keep up with my sizeable assets.

I’m not at the point where vanity is the last thing on my mind. It’s very much a health issue. Every Monday I begin a new lifestyle and by lunchtime on the very same Monday I have failed in one way or another. Food is my addiction and I’ve never been able to overcome it. I would probably give off the impression that it doesn’t bother me.

It does yet I lack the ability to change.

When my first son arrived it was very much do the right thing food wise even though I wasn’t leading my example. I fed him home cooked everything while I munched on take away while he napped. I was determined to start him off on the right foot so he wouldn’t have to suffer with the issues I have. Continue reading “I Worry I’ve Passed My Food Issues Onto My Children”

The Cranberries My Favourites

Born Dolores Mary Eileen O’ Riordan on 6th September 1971 and she couldn’t have been more Irish with a name like that. From Ballybricken in Limerick she was the youngest of seven. I’m sure none of them knew the measure of success that she was going to have. She rose to the top never forgetting where she came from.

The music always had an Irish lilt. Her accent came through every now and again. She wrote about Ireland many times and sadly due to the times that were in it the songs weren’t always glowing reports of our beautiful homestead. Continue reading “The Cranberries My Favourites”

I Will Never Get A Dog.

It’s the time of year where my newsfeed is choc-a-block with pictures of adorable puppies. Lucky me I hear you cry. I do enjoy looking at their cute faces and imagining what I would call them if they were mine. My suggestions are always better than the name on the screen because let’s face it I’m a creative genius. I love looking at their little legs struggling to hold up their pudgy newborn bodies. It’s like a tonic.

From what you have just read it wouldn’t be wrong for you to assume that I have a dog. Well I don’t. I never will and I’ll tell you why. Continue reading “I Will Never Get A Dog.”

Are Manners Gone Out Of Fashion?

Since birth I have drilled it into mine to have good manners. Please and thank you before and after everything nearly to the point of overkill. I do think basic manners seem to be going out of style. For me it’s an accessory that’s timeless.

As with everything in life, there’s a certain amount of evolution required. Like it or lump it we are moving further and further away from human interaction and more towards electronic communication. This doesn’t mean that manners have to go out the window it just means they need to be adjusted.

I understand that not everybody has their device in their hands all the time. I don’t think that a text or an email requires an immediate response. People are busy. I get it. However when you see the person you have text commenting on competitions for a new carpet on the stairs and not answering your question, that’s just rude. Continue reading “Are Manners Gone Out Of Fashion?”

Logan Paul you Twat!

For years my support system has scoffed at how much screen time I’ve allowed my kids. I didn’t buy into all the hype that it ‘changed’ them. Stories in mags comparing it to heroin for kids made my eyes roll so far back I could see yesterday. My logic was that if they weren’t watching the Ipad they would be watching the T.V. so whats the difference?

I conducted a little experiment and reduced the amount of screen time significantly to see if it indeed had an effect on my children’s behaviour. I have no problem admitting this.

I was very wrong.

The less time my children  had with their computers, they were like different people. Less computer time made for more cooperative, level headed and just nicer kids. When they had it they became scowling, argumentative and irrational little shits. Continue reading “Logan Paul you Twat!”

Would You Let Another Woman Breastfeed Your Child?

I wasn’t the world’s most successful breast feeder. I fed all three myself for a while but nowhere near as long as I longed to. I was so adamant that I was breast feeding my first that I didn’t even buy bottles. Bad luck meant that my precious son became ill at four days old and this hampered any and all efforts. I fed number two the longest for a sum total of 6 weeks. The princess got a fortnight bless her. I think if my experience with breastfeeding had have been more positive the first time around I would have lasted longer.  However long I did it for I am very glad that I did.

I am an advocate for breastfeeding. I think it’s an amazing privilege to feed your offspring. Continue reading “Would You Let Another Woman Breastfeed Your Child?”